TIME: We Can Never Get It Back

I want to comment this morning about something that is very important to me.  The subject that I write about is my time.

Paul told the Ephesians:  See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Time is something that we can’t get back.  We have to make decisions about what we are to do with our time.  Who gets your time?  How much time do you spend with God?  How much time do you spend with your spouse?  How much time do you spend with your children?

In my list of priorities, time with God and my wife are at the top of my list.  But, since this is a parenting blog I want to focus on the time we spend with our kids. 

Have you ever looked at your schedule to see how much time is spent with your kids?  I ask the parents who attend my parenting classes to chart their days for me.  I want them to look at their calendars and see how much time is spent day to day with their children.  The typical parent is lucky to get 30 minutes a day with the child.  Now tell me, how are you going to be the influence that God wants you to be in 30 minutes a day?  Christians look at the statistics being put out.  80% of your converts will be under the age of 18.  70% of those converts will leave the church after graduating high school.   I would love to see these stats change.  I think that if they are to change then the parents have to get more involved.  We need to be a bigger influence in the lives of our children.

If we want to pass along our faith and values, then we have to spend more time with our children sharing those things.  Remember you will reap what you sow.  If your faith and love is important to you, and you want to see these attributes in your children, then you must sow them in.  If faithfulness to the church is important to you, then you must pass this along to your children.  Don’t send your kid to church activities.  Go with them.  Be involved.

There are no do-overs in parenting.  You only get to do it once.  You must make wise decisions with your time.  After my children are grown, I want to be able to look back and say that I did it right.

New Beginnings

Today I begin my new position at Immanuel Baptist Church in North Augusta, SC.  This past weekend we moved into our new home and we got to meet many of our new church family.  The love and hospitality that we were shown was amazing.  When we pulled into the church parking lot on Friday, there were a dozen people here to help unload, unpack, and set-up everything in our home.  What a blessing!  We will have meals prepared for us until Tuesday, our pantry was full, and we have a month’s supply of paper products.   All that I can say is that I am amazed at the blessings of the Lord, and the love and kindness that we have been shown has made it alot easier to get over being homesick.

Last week I watched a movie called Gridiron Gang.  I cannot endorse this movie for anyone who would be offended by vulgar language.  There was alot of it.  But, I would like to comment on the movie because it shows the real life issues being faced by inner-city kids.  This movie was based on a true story, and I love football so I had to watch it (I also like the Rock,  I used to be a wrestling fan).  

The movie shows us that many kids are growing up in homes where survival is the top priority of the family.  I can’t imagine living in an environment where drive by shootings are common, drugs are everywhere, and adults abuse the kids daily.  Love is not normal, and selfishness is the top priority.  It bothers me to see parents put their own WANTS and DESIRES above the NEEDS of their children.  The kids in this movie are in jail and the focus of the movie is that one of the corrections officers uses football to get the kids to straighten up.  But, what I saw in the movie is how the lack of praise, love, and affection has sent these kids into a life of delinquency. 

Remember, you reap what you sow.  These children have never been shown love.  They are frustrated, and they don’t know how to return love.  Many are in survival mode from an early age, and the general public is upset that these kids turn to a life of crime.  I am not excusing bad juvenile behavior.  I am asking you to try to understand what kind of environment these kids come from, and let’s share the love of God with them, and let them know that someone cares.  I would also like you to see the importance of loving your own kids and building them up for the glory of God.

Tell your kids that you are proud of them this week, just for being your son or daughter. 

Are you on the path to raising successful kids?

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves some difficult questions.  This is a question that I ask my parents every time we start a new class.  What is your parenting plan?  John Wooden has a very famous quote, “Failure to plan is to plan to fail.”  Too many times most parents do not have a plan, they are just taking it one day at a time.

Did you know that there are 4 parenting styles?  Every parent can relate to one of these.  The 4 styles are:

The Permissive Parent:  This is the parent that allows the child to do whatever the child wishes.  There are few boundaries, and the child ends up making a lot of grown-up decisions.

The Absent Parent:  This is the parent that for whatever reason (work, divorce, neglect) is hardly ever there.  Also, in this scenario the child is left to make decisions on their own.

The Autocratic Parent:  This is the drill-instructor parent.  Things will be done my way, and very little love or encouragement is shown to the child.

These three parenting styles are the breeding grounds for teen-age rebelliousness.  The statistics show that children raised in these environments tend to distance themselves from the parents.  Also, from what I have seen through over 20 years in Christianity is that a lot of Pastors and Ministers fall into the Authoritative or Permissive categories and their children rebel. 

The last category is the Authoritarian Parent:  This parent is the one who has found the proper balance of love, discipline, and direction.  This is the parenting style that I strive to be like, and it is the style that we teach parents who come to the Parent Project training to be like.  Examples of this parent style would be Andy Griffith, Ward Cleaver, Bill Cosby, or Charles Ingles.  These examples are from well-known TV characters that many of you can relate to.  The Authoritarian Parent is the parent whose children tend to follow in their footsteps (faith, morals, and values).

So, I ask you, What is your plan?  Are you planning for failure?  Remember, your kids need your love, discipline, and direction.

What is a Blue Collar Parent?

Why do I want to be a Blue Collar Parent?  Because when one thinks of a blue collar worker, the idea of a hard working person comes to mind.  Hard work is what parenting is.  Parenting is hard work.  Too many times I hear parents in my classes tell me that certain aspects of parenting is tough.  I agree with them.  It is tough, and it will take a tough, hard-working parent to grow a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Today I did an interview on a local radio station to promote the class that is on-going in Gainesville, FL.  One of the topics that came up was the situation with the uncontrollable 3 year old, whose parents were asked to exit an airplane, because the child would not sit in her seat and buckle up.  This was not an uncommon scene to most people.  I see people with children like this at most public places (church, grocery stores, restaurants etc.)  I was asked how does a parent deal with a child like this?  Well, the first answer is that there is not a short and sweet formula to get children to behave.  It can be, and is a long process.  But, obviously this child did not respect adults and was not too worried about the consequences of her behavior.

In our program (the Parent Project) we teach parents techniques that change behavior problems.  This child should not be very difficult at this age.  What I want parents to think about is this, uncontrollable 3 year olds become uncontrollable 13 year olds, who become uncontrollable 23 year olds.  I think you get the picture.  I like to quote the great Barney Fife here, “You’ve got to Nip it in the bud” here. 

So, why don’t parents Nip it?  Because, parenting is hard work, and too many parents don’t like the idea of being a Blue Collar Parent.  If you are reading this I hope that you will be encouraged to work hard for the sake of your children.

Until next time. 

Hello Blogosphere!

I have accepted the challenge to join the millions who get to express their opinions on the internet.  This blog will hopefully be used by the Lord to encourage, motivate, and inspire parents to be the best parents that they can be for their children.

My name is Jamie Murphy, and I have been married to Kelley for the past 14 years.  Next to my salvation, she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  She is a singer, songwriter, and speaker.  God uses her all over the southeast sharing her testimony and her music.  We have 5 children that bless everyday that we get to spend with them.  Caleb is 13, and has already begun preaching, and he also loves sports.  Micah is our autistic son.  He is 12, and he loves video games and playing on the computer.  Kara is our 10 year old daughter who loves music and cooking.  She is going to make someone a good wife one day.  Leah is our 9 year old daughter.  She is a natural athlete with the looks of a supermodel.  She is the one who will never get to leave the house as a teenager.  Our caboose is Levi.  He is 8, and he loves to tear things apart and put them back together.  Almost every weekend you can find the Murphy 7 on some Interstate traveling to a church to share what God has done in our lives.  If you are intersted in Kelley’s music, check out her website www.kelleymurphy.org

This blog is intended to be used with my ministry.  I facilitate a parenting program called the Parent Project.  It is a 10-week parenting class that is used to change unwanted behavior in the lives of strong-willed teens.  So far the organization has helped close to 200,000 families nationwide with the struggles of raising kids.  I will share my opinions and experiences here and I welcome comments and questions from you.